Vexed about Rex – Why the hiring of Rex Hudler is a microcosm of Royal ineptness

Who is Rex Hudler, you ask? Here’s a small taste:

Best Will Ferrell Impersonation EVER!!! – YouTube

Yes, the Royals hired the self-proclaimed “wonderdog” (the wag in me always thinks “1/2 wonder woman, ½ dog”) to provide color commentary for Royals broadcasts. To replace Frank White. The Royals hall of famer. Eight gold gloves. Five all-star games. That Frank White.

White is a beloved figure here in Kansas City. People like him a lot. Apparently, the Royals didn’t. The Royals thought he wasn’t saying enough positive things about the team, and (gasp) could be critical at times. So they fired him during the offseason.

That would be bad enough, but as I just told you, they replaced him with Rex Hudler. Now, I don’t know Mr. Hudler. He might be the nicest guy on the planet. And, he did play in the major leagues, which more than most of us can claim. But, I can say without equivocating that he sucks as a color commentator.

Don’t believe me? How about this Fire Rex Hudler Facebook page. Or a Twitter account that tweets his most inane pronouncements? And, there are a bevy of webpages debating what is his dumbest quote. Finally, the Angels had already fired him.

This hire speaks VOLUMES about the Royals:

1. Don’t honor your history
2. Be tone deaf to your fans wishes
3. Don’t accept criticism; instead listen only to Pollyanna’s.
4. Do it on the cheap

Ok, enough negativity from me for now. My next post will be 10 things I love about the current Royals. Promise.

A Night at the “K”

Ostensibly, we were there to “scout” the Diamondbacks. But, it was a beautiful night, the soft drinks, hotdogs and peanuts were only $1, and our seats were great. So, our sojourn to Kauffman stadium became a night much more about just enjoying the game of baseball – and the venue it is played in-than assessing the merits of a potential team.

Not that Diamondbacks would have noticed, anyway. Will had mailed them a handwritten letter over three weeks ago, and we haven’t heard anything back. Heck, I even tweeted to the Diamondbacks letting them know that two potential fans would be sitting behind their dugout on Friday night. No response on that, either.

(Which, brings up a point: Even if you aren’t interested in humoring a couple of kids who write you letter, aren’t you at least a bit intrigued about a potential revenue source? Fans spend a lot of money on their teams. Tickets. Caps. Pennants. Not to mention incredibly overpriced snacks and parking. If for no other reason than purely greedy ones, wouldn’t you as a baseball marketing staffer at least feign a little interest? Apparently not.)

There is something about the rhythm of baseball that is charming. In our ADHD world where instant gratification is the norm, the laid back pace of a baseball game is a nice respite. Oh sure, the Royals have tried to circumvent this by putting an enormous jumbo-tron out in the outfield, along with a play area out behind the outfield that I jokingly call “Disneyland”. (It includes a Merry-go-round. Nine holes of putt putt. A playground, with slides, monkey bars, etc. A warning to parents, only go there if you don’t want to see the rest of the game.)

But despite those distractions, the game itself remains unchanged. Baseball allows you to have real conversations. Not only with your family and friends, but with complete strangers that you sit around with. In a highly stressed world, baseball is just decompressing.

Did the Royals win? Of course not. In fact, after writing this, I see they lost 2 out of 3 to the anemic Diamondbacks this weekend. The Royals are hopeless. Again. At least the game itself remains promising.

A Royal Missive

Since beginning this website, I’ve gotten the following type of questions:

“Are you going to write the Royals?” “What do you think the Royals would think about your blog?” “Are your boys still considering being Royals fans?”

At first, I said no. After all, this was akin to a break up. (It’s not like you would tell your ex-girlfriend she would still be in the running to be your next girlfriend. It’s counterintuitive. )

But, the questions kept coming, so I asked the boys what we should do.

“Let’s write them a letter that they stink and we are looking for a good team,” Will proclaimed. Colin concurred with that assessment. Their lack of tact led to a dreaded parent “teachable” moment when I talked to them about how it doesn’t pay to be rude and how you can express your chagrin without being vicious about it. It didn’t seem to take much, because this is the letter Will composed:

 “dear royals,i am a 10 year old boy who is on a quest to find a team that is good, unlike your team, you can follow our progress at royallydesperate.wordpress.com”

Not surprisingly, we haven’t heard back from the Royals. I don’t know if their lack of response is because indifference, incompetence, or outrage. (Although, if I had to bet, I’d wager on the first two.) I thought perhaps the email fell through the cracks; the Royals had been on the road for several days. Maybe no one had seen it.

So, to quote Emeril, I “kicked it up a notch.” Using Twitter, I sent Toby Cook, the Royals VP of Communications, the following tweet:

TobyKCR – my sons are wanting to no longer be royals fan: https://royallydesperate.wordpress.com Remember Will? he told you about 7th inn stretch last yr.

A little background about the tweet. Last year, Will accompanied his mom to Take Your Child To Work Day. Mr. Cook was there giving an update about the Royals. Somehow, the 7^th inning stretch came up. Will (who is never shy about sharing his knowledge) let Toby know that the 7^th inning stretch was started by William Howard Taft on opening day in 1910. Mr. Cook told Will he wasn’t aware of this. Will of course knew this, because he remembers EVERYTHING, and had read it in a presidential history book.

As of now, I have not heard back from Mr. Cook. If I do, I will let you know. (Oh, and Mr. Cook, if you are reading this, we will be at the game tomorrow night. It’s Fireworks Friday and Colin wants to see the Diamondbacks because he thinks it is cool their mascot is a snake.)

The Simple Things

Do you remember being a kid? Before life made you cynical or distrustful? When the whole world was out there to be explored and discovered? When there were no limits, only dreams?

I saw a little of that yesterday. It arrived in the mail. It was addressed by hand; an envelope that bulged at the seams.

Now, I would like to tell you that my children savored that moment. That they held it in their hands and wondered what was in the package. Pondered about all the different possibilities. But, they are kids after all. Patience is something they have not yet learned.

 

And so, they HAD to rip it open. To a child, the mail can only be good news. No jury summons, tax bill, late fee, mortgage statement. None of that kind of nonsense. Only birthday cards, Christmas cards, birthday party invitations, notes from their Grandmother (often with a buck or two stuffed in it). Just good things.

So, to Kaylan with the Texas Rangers, I say thank you. You made two small boys – that I think the world of – very happy. I cannot say for certain that they will choose the Rangers in the end (but, at the moment, it is looking extremely favorable – you’re the only team to send them ANYTHING in the mail, and red is by far their favorite color, but I digress.)

The axiom goes “kindness doesn’t cost anything.” And it is true. But sometimes we forget. We let the grind of life wear us down, obsess over the petty things, don’t live in the moment, and forget about what truly is important. Kindness never goes out of style.

Communication Breakdown

The mail came again this afternoon. Again, no response from the twelve teams that Will mailed a letter to. Nada, zilch, zip.

The lack of a reply is troublesome. I had sold Will on taking the time and care of writing the notes by hand by telling him that he would get a much better response from teams that received his letter. Apparently, I was dead wrong. We’ve heard nothing. I doubt he or his brother will be composing any handwritten notes anytime soon.

Not surprisingly, the news for the entire United States Postal Service is bad. The postal service is running a $3.2 billion shortfall and is slated to run out of funds by October.

I don’t think I’m a terribly nostalgic person. I love my Ipad, and my Iphone. I have apps to help me when I go jogging, when I practice the guitar and to book movie times and restaurant reservations. I think the DVR is perhaps one of the greatest inventions ever. BUT, I can’t help but think there is going to be a large cultural loss when letters go away entirely. Through well cared for letters, I’ve been able to get a much better idea about my family and their experiences.

My maternal grandfather, known by all of us as Grandaddy, fought in World War I. When I knew him, he was an old man toward the very end of his life. He always treated his grandchildren well – did rain dances in the yard with us and delighted us by feeding his pet squirrel, Chester, by hand. (Much to my Grandmother’s chagrin. She thought we would get bit and get rabies.)

Long after he was gone, I got the opportunity to read a handwritten letter he had composed about his experiences in World War I. He had been involved in two of the most brutal battles the doughboys had seen; St. Mihiel and Meuse-Argonne. Imagine my surprise to read his description of being in the fetid trenches and being gassed by the Germans again and again. How his health had failed and he was never able to regain it. I know from that letter upon hearing about the Armistice he was sitting in a field hospital, still recovering from the gas. He begged the doctor to let him back with his unit; he thought he would be going home again.

Instead, he was shipped to Germany to the army of occupation, where he again was hospitalized, both for complications from being gassed and for having influenza.

I know all of this because of that letter my mother has kept. It probably took him all of 30 minutes to compose. It still speaks to me almost 100 years after the War. My mother has often commented he didn’t speak of the war much, except to say the rats in the trenches were the size of cats. But, through his letter, he still has a story to tell. Had he simply phoned someone or had the ability to just send a text, it would have been lost. Forever.

But, apparently, I am being wistful. Want to get a response from a major league baseball team? Don’t take time to write a letter. Message received.

Wanted: A Lone Ranger

There is a long heralded story in Texas about how a Texas Ranger was sent down to a border town in 1906 to quell a raging riot. Apparently the city’s sheriff had telegraphed the Rangers for help. He was told that help would arrive the very next day.

The sheriff waited at the train station for his help. A single Texas Ranger stepped off the train.

“Only one Ranger?” the sheriff purportedly asked, upset that an entire cadre hadn’t arrived.

“Only one riot,” the Ranger replied.

Now, I know that Texas and Texans are fond of hyperbole; especially when it comes to their home state. But, there is a certain charm to this story. And I couldn’t help but think, “Kansas City needs a Ranger.”

This is what I opened today’s sports page to find:

The money line to the story? This: “We’re going to turn this thing around. Hang in there with us.”

Hang in there with us? What do you think Kansas City has been doing since 1985? How long are we supposed to be ‘hanging on’?

Contrast the above story with the one below:

The articles states: “Flash back to that 2007 season, where the Rangers finished 77-85: The team was owned by billionaire investor Tom Hicks, who had purchased the team in 1998.” Hmmm…..billionaire owner. Inept leadership. Sound familiar Kansas City?

Ryan is well known as an owner who cares. He comes to all the games. He sits behind home plate, not up in the owner’s box. Down where the actual fans sit. He wants to know what the fan is experiencing. What a concept!

We recently got a response from the Texas Rangers about our search for a new team. Check it out:

Hi Will (and please give your little brother a high-five for me),

 

I completely understand what it feels like to follow a team that isn’t very good.  For a very long time, the Rangers didn’t have a great record and were rarely a postseason contender.  However, I cannot stress the importance of following your hometown team.  While each person wants to follow a winner, your team needs your support in the lowest of low times.  With your support during their losses, it makes the wins mean so more.

 

I’m not telling you all of this because I don’t want you to be a fan of the Rangers.  There are many great things about our organization that would make me want to watch our team, too!  For example, we singed Yu Darvish in the offseason and his electrifying pitching has been so much fun to watch.  Darvish came to the Rangers from Japan and seeing him interact with our players has been quite fun to see.  I giggle a lot when I see them making hand signs to get their point across.  Check out this behind-the-scenes video between Darvish and our catcher, Mike Napoli, when they were filming one of our commercials this spring. 

 

I could go on and on about what makes this team so much fun to root for and I’d be happy to welcome you to Rangers Ballpark anytime you’re in the neighborhood.  But, I want to ask that you remember your hometown team.  They need you (and your brother) to cheer for them… and cheer loudly!

 

(oh, and no one said you have to choose just one team… how about you cheer for us both!)

 

I wish you all the best in your quest for a team and I truly hope you choose to root for both teams.

 

Go Rangers (with high-fives for you both),

Kaylan

This is the boys’ favorite letter now. It seems Mr. Ryan’s commitment to the fans permeates throughout the organization. The Rangers should be proud. They have earned it.

The Rangers model has proved if the owner is committed, experienced and dedicated to the team that everyone will be rewarded. Are you listening David Glass? I don’t think you are. I’m hoping that you join Mr. Hicks as a former owner of a MLB team.

 

Public Relations 101- How to and NOT to write to a potential fan

(Father’s note – After composing 12 handwritten letters, Will asked me why we couldn’t just email letters to the teams.  Colin concurred with Will, telling me that “technology makes things better.”  I spent a few moments trying to talk about the value of a personal letter, but then I realized that in 5 years handwritten notes will be as obsolete as beta tapes.(Those under 35, look it up.)  So I caved.  Will wrote the message he wanted to the teams, but I sent them out via email.)

It really isn’t that hard.  Your audience is a 10 year old and a 7 year old boy.  They are still earnest, honest and optimistic.  They trust people, and see good everywhere.  But somehow, Philadelphia Phillies, you dropped the ball:

While we certainly appreciate anyone who wants to root for and follow the Phillies, that is a decision to be made by each individual and not as a result of any specific reason we may offer to you.

Phillies

Citizens Bank Park

One Citizens Bank Way

Philadelphia, PA   19148

Buzz!  Wrong!  Here’s what a 7 year old thought of your response:

See?! He read your letter and can already tell you don’t care.

Next up: The Chicago Cubs:

Thanks for writing the Chicago Cubs.  The Chicago Cubs have played in the same city since 1876 and we play in the second oldest ballpark in major league.  We will celebrate our 100^th anniversary in 2014.  We’d love to have you as a fan.

Go Cubs!

Much better.  Both boys appreciated that the Cubs representative took the time to tell them WHY they should be a fan and what makes the Cubs special.  A solid B.

Finally, the Baltimore Orioles:

Thank you for contacting the Baltimore Orioles.

The Orioles are always looking to build our fan base, so we would welcome any fan from anywhere in the world.  We anticipate the upcoming seasons to be quite promising with all of the young talent we have coming up from the minor leagues—many of whom have already made it to the majors, as well as big acquisitions for the 2012 season. We expect to soon be bringing the fans  of Baltimore a championship caliber team, as these younger plays continue to develop along with our All-Star caliber players including Nick Markakis, Matt Wieters, and Adam Jones.

Our mission statement is:

The mission of the Baltimore Orioles organization — and that of our local ownership group, led principally by Peter Angelos, and every member of the company — is to be the premier sports entertainment organization in the region and the finest franchise in all of sports. We will accomplish this by protecting and enhancing the rich history of the franchise, by enhancing existing revenue streams while developing new ones, and by promoting efficiency, teamwork, and overall value to our fans and business partners.

An equally vital element to accomplishing our mission is that we accept and embrace our civic responsibilities. Our mission is not only to win games on the field and provide entertainment to our fans, but also to win in the community. To that end, we seek to develop the franchise as a community leader that supports civic, education and charitable outreach and provides an affordable entertainment option for everyone. Each Orioles employee will dedicate himself and herself to touch the lives of our neighbors and make the community-at-large a better place.

We believe the relationship between the organization and our fans is a special bond, and we appreciate the continued support our loyal fans demonstrate year in and year out.

Sincerely,

Carey Paytas

Communications Assistant l Baltimore Orioles

Yes!  This made a huge impression on the boys.  They loved that someone took the time and effort to state why they should become an Orioles fan.  The message says “Our tent always has more room, come on in!”  And talks about their commitment and the future.

Granted, it’s a bit wordy, but I’m assuming Carey doesn’t often write to an elementary school audience.  Well done, Carey.

So, there you have it.  Our first responses.  The Orioles and Cubs have made a good impression.  The Phillies?  Not so much…..

How will the other teams be graded?  Stay tuned.

Glass Houses – or why the Walmart method doesn’t work in baseball

“I always figured it was talent made a man big, you know, if I was the best at something. I mean, we’re the guys they come to see. Without us, there ain’t a ballgame. Yeah, but look at who’s holding the money and look at who’s facing a jail cell. Talent don’t mean nothing. And where’s Comiskey and Sullivan, Attell, Rothstein? Out in the back room cutting up profits, that’s where. That’s the damn conspiracy.” – Eddie Cicotte in Eight Men Out (1988)

I don’t know David Glass, or his son Dan Glass. I’ve seen David Glass a few times at Kauffman Stadium for some sort ceremonial event before a game.  He is a thin man with silver hair and big bushy eyebrows that look like a couple of caterpillars fell asleep above his eyelids.

Dan Glass could walk past me on the street and I would have no idea he is. I know he is the president of the Royals and his old man is the owner. I doubt that’s a coincidence.

Here’s what I do know for certain:

 

 

 

1. David Glass bought the team for $96 million in 2000.
   
2. The Royals are now reportedly worth $354 million.
   
3. David Glass net worth has gone up 1/4 of a billion dollars because he owns a team that has had only one winning season since he purchased them.
   
4. The Royals are currently 27 – out of 30 teams – in payroll. Last year they were 30th out of 30.
   
5. The Royals are spending less in payroll today ($60.9 million) than they were in 2007 ($67 million).
   
6. David Glass lives in Arkansas.
   

Ewing Kauffman wasn’t perfect, but he loved Kansas City, and he loved the Royals. You can see his love for his town all over (The two biggest  examples being the Kauffman Foundation and the Muriel Kauffman memorial garden. His daughter spearheaded the new breathtaking Kauffman Center for performing arts.) When my wife was a small child, she used to trick or treat at Ewing Kauffman’s home. Apparently hundreds of Kansas City children would do this every year. Children would be given free Royals t-shirts, caps, and shorts. She still talks of it fondly.

The only legacy I see from the Glass family is a perennial loser. There seems to be no shame from them. I certainly don’t see them sharing in the pains of the losses.

People in Kansas City don’t want much. Just a team that can contend from time to time. What we don’t want is a skimpy owner who doesn’t deign to live in the city that we love.