A Split Decision

“If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course on where you stop your story,” – Orson Wells

The All-Star game is over. We had a great time. We went to Fanfest twice (highly recommended). And went to the All-Star Parade (which was fine, but the boys got bored; too much of a lag time between cars.

Kansas City was awash in civic pride and baseball fans from around the country. The heat mercifully relented (just in time) and we have come to the end of our baseball team journey.

If you recall, this was an exercise for the boys to reach out to every Major League baseball team and ask why we should be a fan of their team. We got some wonderful responses, and most importantly, it was a great way for my kids to become more interested in baseball. (Will now reads the box scores in the morning. Colin pays attention to highlights.)

We had criteria on commitment to winning, ownership, history of the franchise, and the stadium in which they play. Well, I had these criteria. As any parent knows, you can guide your child, but ultimately, they do things they way they want to do them. So, much to my surprise, their decision was based on things different than mine. As it should be. I always told them it was their choice.

Wall of Shame:

The Philadelphia Phillies and the New York Yankees. Big shocker here – New York and Philadelphia has crass and uncooperative “public relations” personnel.

The Yankees sent a terse email that stated : “I suggest you contact the Yankees directly for this” (umm…I thought that was what we were doing. We sent an email. To your club. You can’t hit the “forward” button? Yankees suck! Yankees suck!)

And, as you recall, the Phillies were even worse: “While we certainly appreciate anyone who wants to root for and follow the Phillies, that is a decision to be made by each individual and not as a result of any specific reason we may offer to you.” (We asked for a reason to cheer for you. Not for free cr*p. Read the email. It really is a shame that you currently are 15 games out of first place. With the same amount of wins as the Royals. Sucks to be you.)

As the boys like to say, “Epic fail!”

Honorable Mention:

The Chicago Cubs and the Baltimore Orioles. Especially the Orioles. A very nice note. I’m glad to see the Orioles are doing so well this year. (Please catch the Yankees – we are begging you.)

As for the Cubs – oh the Cubs. You make being a Royals fan seem like winning the lottery. Why do the gods hate you so? Best ballpark in the country, in my opinion. Great city, too. As they always say, maybe next year.

Oh So Close:

The St. Louis Cardinals. (Kelly breaths an enormous sigh of relief.) Will says he will cheer for the Cardinals, unless they are playing a certain team (to be revealed below.) I honestly believe had the Cardinals sent their letter earlier, they totally would have won handily. A signed letter from the team president had a lot of cache. Too bad it didn’t get here in May. I will put up a pennant in the Cardinals honor – wait a minute, Kelly will probably just tear it down. Scratch that. I will put up a picture of Stan Musial in the mancave. Even a Cardinal hater like Kelly loves Stan Musial.

Will’s choice – The Texas Rangers:

Will is our logical child. Loves facts. Knows things that you don’t, like the names of the four assassins of the US Presidents, the capital of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, and that Seoul is located on the Han River.

So – for Will, this is easy.

Fact 1: The Rangers have been in the last two World Series

Fact 2: The Rangers are winning the American League West by 5 games

Fact 3: The Rangers are tied for first for the most wins in baseball.

Fact 4: The Rangers sent him a cool jersey. (Will wants you to know it’s #25, Mike Napoli’s jersey. Three months ago, he had no idea who Mike Napoli was. A few days ago, I watched him go apesh*t when we saw Mike Napoli in the All-Star game parade. He also went crazy for Josh Hamilton. Cause and effect.)

 

Colin’s choice – The San Diego Padres:

Colin is our perceptive child. Loves to cuddle. Loves to hug. If you are feeling down, he picks up on it. He is ornery as can be, but the most affectionate child I’ve ever known.

For Colin, he doesn’t need facts. He knows he loves the beach. He remembers loving San Diego more than any place he has ever visited. It has a great beach. The weather was perfect. He got to go to LegoLand. (It was a great vacation – San Diego in August = heaven). He thinks it is “awesome” that the owner of the team sent him a gumball machine. He also thinks it’s “really nice” that the owner of the team sent a handwritten note to him and his brother. That he would take the time to do so. Colin is going to be 8 in a few weeks, but he is already a lot more perceptive than many adults I know. And…it is not his big brother’s choice. Wins and losses? Colin doesn’t really care.

 

What about the Royals?

There’s always hope, right? No matter how slim? A few days ago I had a meeting up in Parkville (it is about a 30 minute drive). On the way back, I tuned into local sports radio. There was a long discussion on whether or not David Glass could be shamed enough to sell the team (the verdict? Most likely not.) Plans were discussed to have a walkout of a game, or fly a banner that says “Do the right thing, sell the team!” People called in to say that Glass isn’t even a Royals fan, he is a Cardinals fan. This is what the debate has devolved to.

In an earlier post, I mentioned how the Rangers were once rudderless. How they had a clueless billionaire owner who was running them into oblivion. Glass says he isn’t selling. I don’t think he is planning to.

But there is another owner of a local sports team that gets it. Sporting KC is a phenomenon in Kansas City. Their ownership gets it. They put the fan first in many aspects. Their games are sold out. They win. People go and cheer. A lot. For soccer. In Kansas City. (I don’t whether to laugh or cry about those last four statements)

The point is, if David Glass were to ever sell, there are some folks in Kansas City who have experience in putting together a model franchise.

Until that happens, we aren’t going to Royals games. Like a lot of Kansas Citians. The All-Star game is over. No matter how well that went (and it went great, heard nothing but good things from people visiting) it isn’t going to carry over for the Royals unless they are competitive. People have a lot of options in their lives for sports entertainment. No one should have to be saddled with a loser because they are physically located close to it, and their owner is too cheap to invest in it. There is no loyalty in professional sports these days. Players are free agents. Owners come and go. Why shouldn’t fans have the same options?

So, the Royals gear will go to the back of the closet for now. We won’t be wearing any. I will buy a Padres cap and a Rangers cap for my sons, and for myself. We also will probably soon visit St. Louis and take in a Cardinals game. Anyone who was kind enough to take some time to respond to my kids’ letters are OK in my book.

Thanks for reading. It has been fun.

 

Stop the Presses!

My wife’s worst nightmare appeared in the mail today. A package from the St. Louis Cardinals. With a personal note. Signed by the president of the club. And a jersey, World Series champion cap and Cardinals bag.

I’m assuming her reaction was much like that scene in Star Wars, where Obi Wan senses a terrible disturbance in the force. Kelly, in her office, blithely doing work when she is seized with an incredible headache. Being a native Kansas Citian, she should be used to these types of setbacks. (Years ago, when her beloved Chiefs were 13-3, they were playing the Colts in the playoffs. The Chiefs were a big favorite. She was very confident. The Chiefs were at home, the Colts weren’t any good. We bet a month worth of laundry on the game. Two words: Linn Elliott. But, I digress)

I was all ready to wrap up the blog, with tomorrow being the All-Star game – played here in KC. The boys were ready to announce their decisions. But now……..

Take some aspirin, Kel. It will be all right. Like Yogi said, “It ain’t over, til it’s over.”

Skip the Clichés; See the REAL Kansas City

Why is it so hard for folks from New York and Los Angeles to accurately portray Kansas City? The Kansas City metro area is home to over 2 million people, but you’d never know that if you haven’t been here. Don’t believe me? Watch the beginning of a recent NBC show about Kansas City native Jason Sudeikis (you only have to watch the first three minutes of it)
http://www.nbc.com/who-do-you-think-you-are/video/jason-sudeikis/1400995

See that? Even though Sudeikis tells us he’s from Overland Park, a suburb of Kansas City, the dolts from NBC decide to show his SUV driving out in the middle of nowhere. Why? Because they are idiots.

Even Anthony Bourdain – who I love –got into the act. He started a recent show about Kansas City BBQ wandering around the empty West Bottoms in the dead of winter, and later sent his buddy Zamir to some hair museum (I’ve lived here since 1994. I’ve never heard of it. My wife is a native – SHE’S never heard of it. Obviously, they looked hard to find an embarrassing “museum” that they could mock easily).

But here’s the thing; there are great museums in Kansas City (that I will recommend in greater detail in a second) and the West Bottoms is undergoing a renaissance and is packed on First Fridays. (Notice the difference in these pictures?)

Look, I’m not expecting a Pollyanna portrayal of Kansas City; but I do expect a fairly accurate one. I write about this because in less than a week a phalanx of visitors will be coming to Kansas City for the first time for the All-Star game.

Our current Mayor, Sly James, often challenges Kansas Citians to say what Kansas City is, without using the terms jazz, barbecue or fountains. He has a point; it is too easy to fall into those very famous descriptions of Kansas City. So, I will try my best to give you a guide of what to do while in Kansas City without eating barbecue, listening to jazz or staring at fountains.

What to see:

Friday July 6 – First Fridays in the Crossroads

I love this event because it was an organic, grassroots effort. The Crossroad neighborhood had long been neglected and forgotten when Kansas City artists moved there for the loft space and the cheap rents. After 9/11, they decided to start First Fridays. The event, held the first Friday of every month, showcases artists and their galleries and has lots of great drinks and food. If you are going to eat dinner there, I would suggest Lidia’s. Lidia, who has long been known to PBS viewers for her excellent Italian cooking show, opened a restaurant in Kansas City several years ago. And we are really glad she decided to do so. If you cannot afford Lidia’s, head over to the food trucks, located at 21^st and Wyandotte.

After you’ve had your fill of art, head over to the Cashew where you can get a great view of the Kansas City skyline.

Saturday July 7 – Downtown Farmer’s Market

Get up early and head to the river market for some local fruits and vegetables. You will be amazed by the variety and content. And, the farmer’s market is circled by several places where you can eat breakfast.

The National World War I Museum should be your next stop. This museum is wonderful, designed by the same architect who designed the Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C. Be sure to take the elevator trip to the top of the Memorial so you can see a wonderful panoramic view of the city.

In the afternoon, head over to the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum. I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to meet Buck O’Neill on several occasions. This museum is his legacy. When you become cynical in life, think of Buck O’Neill. His optimism and joy in spite of the racism he endured is amazing.

That evening, check out the Country Club Plaza. Yes, there now are too many chains. And yes, it’s a little touristy. But, it is beautiful, great for people watching and has lots of great restaurants and shops. My suggestion? Drink a cold beer out on the rooftop deck of O’Dowd’s.

Sunday July 8

Midtown – Have breakfast at You Say Tomato. A great neighborhood grocery store, breakfast brunch place that locals love. Another choice? Brunch at The Well in Waldo. A meat market on Friday and Saturday night; but The Well has great Sunday brunch. If the weather isn’t brutal, they will open up the floor to ceiling windows.

That afternoon, you have to se the Nelson-Atkins Museum of art.  We visit this all the time and we live here.  It has it all, ancient art, classic and newer art.  AND IT IS FREE.

Sunday night. Downtown, at the Power and Light District. This venue trends pretty young (think twenty somethings), but there are other things to do, like see a movie at the restored AMC Mainstreet, or get a drink in the Drum Room in the Hotel President.

Rounding Third and Headed for Home

I’m sad to report that we’ve received no more letters or emails in pursuit of finding a new baseball team to call our own, so we will soon be making our final decision, packing up this blog and moving on.

I had hoped for a little more interaction, and am quite frankly a little perturbed that so few made an effort to connect with my sons. But we aren’t going to beg for responses. We shouldn’t have to, anyway.

I plan just three more blogs. One on our experience at Fan Fest; the next on what to see in Kansas City if you are going to the All-Star game and the last on our actual decision.

In the meantime, enjoy these pictures of Colin’s latest baseball practice.

 

With Malice Toward None – 10 things we like about the current Royals

I am tardy with this post, but we are in the height of summer here; cub scout camps, acting camps, happy hour events, movies, trips to pool, etc. I’m squeezing this post in after finishing work but before picking up the boys and their respective camps. The first five on this list are my own; the last five are from the boys. Without further ado:

1. Alex Gordon – I’ll admit it. I’m biased. Alex Gordon and I share the same hometown. We went to the same high school (although Alex attended years after I did). We both are graduates of the University of Nebraska. But, you can’t argue with Alex’s gold glove. Or last year’s Royals MVP season.
2. Billy Butler – Billy Butler can hit, that much is for sure. Some argue he’s the best right handed hitter in baseball today. I wouldn’t go that far, but I would argue he’s the most consistent Royal. Day in and day out, Butler delivers. If he had any speed on the base pads at all, he’d probably be hitting over .350. (I actually like the fact that I’m 44 and could still outrun a major league ballplayer). Lastly, Butler looks like Larry the Cable Guys’ little brother.
3. Frenchy’s Corner – Jeff Francoeur plays baseball the way it was meant to be played. With a smile on his face, and a spring in his step. How can you not love a guy who threw a baseball with an attached $100 bill into this section and told them the beers and dogs were on him?
4. Kauffman Stadium – Yes, I know it is not hallowed ground like Wrigley Field or Fenway. And yes, they should have built it downtown. But, I would argue, once inside the stadium, you won’t find a lovelier place in all of baseball. My favorite part? The fountains out in the outfield. (Kansas City is known as the city of fountains).
5. The promise of youth – Mike Moustakas, Eric Hosmer and Alcidis Escobar comprise three of the four infield positions for the Royals. None is over 26 years old. Hosmer and Moustakas have real pop in their bats. Escobar has tremendous range at shortstop. All of them are fun to watch.
6. Sluggerrr –One of the greatest signs of unadulterated joy on Will’s face came the time Sluggerrr faux-choked him when he accidently cut in line to get his picture taken. Both kids spend a large majority of games looking for Sluggerrr. Plus, Sluggerrr has street-cred. He beat the rap after being sued for shooting a hotdog in a fans’ eye.
7. Buck Night – NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg might be trying to fight corpulence in the Big Apple, but we here in Kansas City have Buck Night –where hotdogs, Pepsi (Sigh – no Coke, damn you Pepsico!) is only a dollar. The boys love this night and at their age, aren’t too concerned by their caloric intake (shhh! – don’t tell Bloomberg about the Royals’ All You Can Eat Seats! It might kill him!)
8. Fireworks Friday – This is self-explanatory. Fireworks. Small boys. Winning!
9. 
   1. Live-action hotdog race – Sure, it’s a demeaning job for the poor schleps who work for the Royals who have to do it. But if you are 10 and 7 years old, it is awesome!

1. The Sunday Fun Run around the bases – Obviously, you have to wait until the end of the game (which is torturous to a small boy. I have told them the secret of life is learning how to deal with lines. They don’t listen), but once they are out on the field they love this!

So, there you have it, ten totally positive things about the Royals!

The Postman Rang Twice

The dearth of responses to Will’s letters has gone on for so long, that quite frankly, I had given up on seeing any more. Imagine the boys’ surprise when they got home yesterday from spending a day with their Grandpa fishing and had two letters waiting for them. The most gratifying aspect? These responses came from Will’s handwritten letters.

First, the Cardinals: My wife has told us several times that the Cardinals were verboten because of her antipathy of Missouri’s other major city. (She is serious.) A Kansas City native, she takes the rivalry with St. Louis to heart. Me? This might scandalous in these parts, but I actually like St. Louis. I like Kansas City more, but St. Louis is a nice town. Plus, my Grandaddy was a Cardinals fan. Born and raised in Texas, the Cardinals were the default team because at the time, they were the only team west of the Mississippi River. And, I love Bob Gibson and Stan Musial. Two of my favorite all-time players.

The Cardinals response was only perfunctory in nature; a sticker, a temporary tattoo, a couple of cards and an application (for $25) to join their kids’ club. The boys liked it; but weren’t overwhelmed by it. (I can’t really blame the Cardinals, they sellout their games all the time, are the defending World Series champion, and don’t seem to be lacking in any fans.)

Now for The San Diego Padres:

Do you have a “lottery” city? As in, “If I ever won the lottery, I would move to __________.” Our lottery city has always been San Diego. Perfect weather. Gorgeous beaches. We spent our honeymoon there. The kids have only been once, but they loved it. For years, we have fantasized about buying an old home on Coronado (Here’s a definite candidate. I’m buying a lottery ticket today!) We have often dreamt of spending our days walking on the beach, reading great books, maybe taking a couple of classes just for fun, all while living on Coronado. So, we all have a soft spot for San Diego.

Will addressed all his handwritten notes to a specific individual. For the Padres, he wrote to John Moores, the principal owner and chairman. A large package arrived from the Padres yesterday; the most surprising piece was this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Never in a million years did I think Will would get a letter back from an owner of a team, not to mention a handwritten one. How cool is that? Kudos Mr. Moores!

Yes I know, the Padres are awful this year. And, Mr. Moores is trying to sell the team. But, the fact the man took time out of his busy schedule to write a 10 year old boy from Kansas City a nice note is great. Oh, and all the bling he sent too didn’t hurt:

Vexed about Rex – Why the hiring of Rex Hudler is a microcosm of Royal ineptness

Who is Rex Hudler, you ask? Here’s a small taste:

Best Will Ferrell Impersonation EVER!!! – YouTube

Yes, the Royals hired the self-proclaimed “wonderdog” (the wag in me always thinks “1/2 wonder woman, ½ dog”) to provide color commentary for Royals broadcasts. To replace Frank White. The Royals hall of famer. Eight gold gloves. Five all-star games. That Frank White.

White is a beloved figure here in Kansas City. People like him a lot. Apparently, the Royals didn’t. The Royals thought he wasn’t saying enough positive things about the team, and (gasp) could be critical at times. So they fired him during the offseason.

That would be bad enough, but as I just told you, they replaced him with Rex Hudler. Now, I don’t know Mr. Hudler. He might be the nicest guy on the planet. And, he did play in the major leagues, which more than most of us can claim. But, I can say without equivocating that he sucks as a color commentator.

Don’t believe me? How about this Fire Rex Hudler Facebook page. Or a Twitter account that tweets his most inane pronouncements? And, there are a bevy of webpages debating what is his dumbest quote. Finally, the Angels had already fired him.

This hire speaks VOLUMES about the Royals:

1. Don’t honor your history
2. Be tone deaf to your fans wishes
3. Don’t accept criticism; instead listen only to Pollyanna’s.
4. Do it on the cheap

Ok, enough negativity from me for now. My next post will be 10 things I love about the current Royals. Promise.

A Night at the “K”

Ostensibly, we were there to “scout” the Diamondbacks. But, it was a beautiful night, the soft drinks, hotdogs and peanuts were only $1, and our seats were great. So, our sojourn to Kauffman stadium became a night much more about just enjoying the game of baseball – and the venue it is played in-than assessing the merits of a potential team.

Not that Diamondbacks would have noticed, anyway. Will had mailed them a handwritten letter over three weeks ago, and we haven’t heard anything back. Heck, I even tweeted to the Diamondbacks letting them know that two potential fans would be sitting behind their dugout on Friday night. No response on that, either.

(Which, brings up a point: Even if you aren’t interested in humoring a couple of kids who write you letter, aren’t you at least a bit intrigued about a potential revenue source? Fans spend a lot of money on their teams. Tickets. Caps. Pennants. Not to mention incredibly overpriced snacks and parking. If for no other reason than purely greedy ones, wouldn’t you as a baseball marketing staffer at least feign a little interest? Apparently not.)

There is something about the rhythm of baseball that is charming. In our ADHD world where instant gratification is the norm, the laid back pace of a baseball game is a nice respite. Oh sure, the Royals have tried to circumvent this by putting an enormous jumbo-tron out in the outfield, along with a play area out behind the outfield that I jokingly call “Disneyland”. (It includes a Merry-go-round. Nine holes of putt putt. A playground, with slides, monkey bars, etc. A warning to parents, only go there if you don’t want to see the rest of the game.)

But despite those distractions, the game itself remains unchanged. Baseball allows you to have real conversations. Not only with your family and friends, but with complete strangers that you sit around with. In a highly stressed world, baseball is just decompressing.

Did the Royals win? Of course not. In fact, after writing this, I see they lost 2 out of 3 to the anemic Diamondbacks this weekend. The Royals are hopeless. Again. At least the game itself remains promising.

A Royal Missive

Since beginning this website, I’ve gotten the following type of questions:

“Are you going to write the Royals?” “What do you think the Royals would think about your blog?” “Are your boys still considering being Royals fans?”

At first, I said no. After all, this was akin to a break up. (It’s not like you would tell your ex-girlfriend she would still be in the running to be your next girlfriend. It’s counterintuitive. )

But, the questions kept coming, so I asked the boys what we should do.

“Let’s write them a letter that they stink and we are looking for a good team,” Will proclaimed. Colin concurred with that assessment. Their lack of tact led to a dreaded parent “teachable” moment when I talked to them about how it doesn’t pay to be rude and how you can express your chagrin without being vicious about it. It didn’t seem to take much, because this is the letter Will composed:

 “dear royals,i am a 10 year old boy who is on a quest to find a team that is good, unlike your team, you can follow our progress at royallydesperate.wordpress.com”

Not surprisingly, we haven’t heard back from the Royals. I don’t know if their lack of response is because indifference, incompetence, or outrage. (Although, if I had to bet, I’d wager on the first two.) I thought perhaps the email fell through the cracks; the Royals had been on the road for several days. Maybe no one had seen it.

So, to quote Emeril, I “kicked it up a notch.” Using Twitter, I sent Toby Cook, the Royals VP of Communications, the following tweet:

TobyKCR – my sons are wanting to no longer be royals fan: https://royallydesperate.wordpress.com Remember Will? he told you about 7th inn stretch last yr.

A little background about the tweet. Last year, Will accompanied his mom to Take Your Child To Work Day. Mr. Cook was there giving an update about the Royals. Somehow, the 7^th inning stretch came up. Will (who is never shy about sharing his knowledge) let Toby know that the 7^th inning stretch was started by William Howard Taft on opening day in 1910. Mr. Cook told Will he wasn’t aware of this. Will of course knew this, because he remembers EVERYTHING, and had read it in a presidential history book.

As of now, I have not heard back from Mr. Cook. If I do, I will let you know. (Oh, and Mr. Cook, if you are reading this, we will be at the game tomorrow night. It’s Fireworks Friday and Colin wants to see the Diamondbacks because he thinks it is cool their mascot is a snake.)

The Simple Things

Do you remember being a kid? Before life made you cynical or distrustful? When the whole world was out there to be explored and discovered? When there were no limits, only dreams?

I saw a little of that yesterday. It arrived in the mail. It was addressed by hand; an envelope that bulged at the seams.

Now, I would like to tell you that my children savored that moment. That they held it in their hands and wondered what was in the package. Pondered about all the different possibilities. But, they are kids after all. Patience is something they have not yet learned.

 

And so, they HAD to rip it open. To a child, the mail can only be good news. No jury summons, tax bill, late fee, mortgage statement. None of that kind of nonsense. Only birthday cards, Christmas cards, birthday party invitations, notes from their Grandmother (often with a buck or two stuffed in it). Just good things.

So, to Kaylan with the Texas Rangers, I say thank you. You made two small boys – that I think the world of – very happy. I cannot say for certain that they will choose the Rangers in the end (but, at the moment, it is looking extremely favorable – you’re the only team to send them ANYTHING in the mail, and red is by far their favorite color, but I digress.)

The axiom goes “kindness doesn’t cost anything.” And it is true. But sometimes we forget. We let the grind of life wear us down, obsess over the petty things, don’t live in the moment, and forget about what truly is important. Kindness never goes out of style.